Sleepless in the Arctic

Postcard 02 June ‘24: Tromsø II

I have not been a good sleeper for as long as I can remember.

I would sneak into my parent’s bedroom at night as a toddler (inventing all kinds of special agent-style stealth modes to make it past my dad, who would send me back to my room immediately).

I remember not being able to fall asleep and dreading going to bed during most of my adolescence. This continues in phases until today. For the most part, it is falling asleep. But if it gets severe, it is also about waking up and being unable to go back to sleep.

And don’t get me started on daytime naps. Can’t do them. I won’t fall asleep at all.

Lack of sleep is one of my most difficult things. After a bad night’s sleep, I can easily feel as if I would have been partying and drinking A LOT. Now, take the accumulative effects of multiple nights, and you can see a slightly irritable bundle of body cells trying to function together as a reasonable being.

And yes, I do have IBS, and not being able to sleep also ties into a quite sensitive nervous system (which I see both as a strength and a vulnerability). I can understand all the psycho-physiological dynamics behind it quite well. But dealing with it is still a different kind of story.

It is safe to say that I have failed to deal with it repeatedly in the past two weeks up here in Tromsø. Late-night scrolling social media was not even involved! And it is not even that I would lie in bed having millions of thoughts running around. Just this single line of thought: Why can’t I sleep? What can I do to fall asleep? I MUST SLEEP. I should control my breath. I should meditate. I should relax my mind. I should control my mind. Waaaaaaah!

At first, I blamed it on the midnight sun. But even shutting down the curtains at 8 pm and sleeping with an eye mask was not helping. And, of course, all the other sleep tips: No screen time, no late-night eating, wind down, etc. Of course, some nights I had been working on some items - but come one, that was also exciting. And I was not actively thinking about anything of this when going to bed.

There are two things to it.

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1.) Compassion towards the subconscious things

Talking to my friends and colleagues made me validate that at least my subconsciousness has been and is dealing with a lot lately. And since I have excellent stealth technology not only in bedroom sneaking but also in avoidance, it certainly makes sense. So, let’s make an inventory of what my unconsciousness might be dealing with:

• Learning a truckload of new, brain-heavy things in acoustics and programming

• Trying to utilise as much time as possible working while I am here (aka being productive)

• Going through an interviewing process which comprises a unique opportunity while at the same time being accompanied by major life changes and decisions - all while being away from home

• The “simple” fact of any new impression and unconscious input that travelling and a switch in environment always brings along

• My gut inflammation and microbiome still being out of control

• Some family stuff back home

And since we are talking unconscious, the list is probably not exhaustive. But it is a fairly good start.

But again, what should we do about it? Honestly, I don’t know. There have been nights when I have been lying in bed and felt calm but would not fall asleep for three hours. Some suggestions say you should get up and do something else, but I feel tired.

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2.) Trying some more unconventional things and going body over mind

My default mode of trying to solve things is to use my mind. So, let’s meditate and try breathing exercises to control our mind and then consequently control our body. In general, I agree with Dr. Carline Leaf saying:

“Your body is not in control of your mind your mind is in control of your body, and your mind is stronger than your body. Mind certainly is over matter.”

However, this certainly does not work for me. In the past months, I realised that focusing a bit more on matter over mind (aka reconnecting with the body) has made a shift in other areas.

I saw a video by Dr. Michael Breus (aka the Sleep Doctor). He talked about the 4-7-8 breathing technique—yes, another breathwork exercise. However, he explained how it helps lower your heart rate and that a low heart rate is essential to triggering the sleep dynamics in your body. He also explained things that will raise your heart rate again - like getting up, rising or too high body temperature in general, trying to control getting to sleep. Another thing he mentions is that research shows the benefits of simply lying down and resting - one hour of resting without sleeping equals 20 minutes of good sleep. Not too bad of a deal, at least.

But back to the heart-rate thing. Do you know this feeling of lying in bed and hearing or sensing your own heartbeat? I get that a lot. And even though my mind might be calm or I am actively trying mind-over-matter things like meditation and breathwork, my heart rate won’t go down low enough.

Conversely, if I can sleep, I can “sense sleep coming.” It is a weird and super-calming feeling. Maybe that is the drop in heart rate? Sadly, sometimes my mind hijacks this moment of getting overly excited that I might finally fall asleep now and then. The moment is gone…

I don’t know, but thinking about it like this is interesting.

Well, I might try to approach sleep from the heart-rate perspective of the body—and maybe even try to first become aware of my heart rate rather than my thoughts during the day. Let’s see how this goes. I will keep you posted.

Hopefully, I had a better night’s sleep by the time this postcard hits your inbox.

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About this week’s postcard

Last Sunday, I went for a long morning run to the south tip of Tromsøya (= the island of Tromsø).

Milena

from Helm the Overwhelm wrote about how being in nature facilitates a type of thinking that is soothing. I love her phrasing around this. To me, open, vast, slightly rougher, and sparse landscapes have the most soothing impact. I even prefer them over forests, I would say. So, these pictures are from my morning run 😊

What else has happened this week?

• Monday: Worked at the Norwegian Polar Institut and got invited for dinner at a friend’s house. We had the most fun evening with her family.

• Tuesday: Similar to Monday, but without the lovely dinner 😊 Spent the evening on the phone with friends.

• Wednesday: Switching environment and work tasks for a day by meeting with some colleagues who also became friends at the UiT - the Arctic University of Norway to discuss some work and research-related items and to catch up. I spent the afternoon visiting a friend, and we would enjoy the Arctic summer sun on her balcony!

• Thursday: I spent 11 hours at my desk, trying to solve acoustic analysis and programming issues. However, I also had a casual meeting with the team at AECO (Arctic Expedition Cruise Operators), whom I interviewed for my master’s thesis last year!

• Friday: Think Thursday, but without the meeting. Had deep conversations with ChatGPT about programming with Matlab and R, though.

• Saturday/Sunday: I am going to have a slow weekend - without working. I have no fixed plans yet, but I want to enjoy Tromsø and recharge for the week(s) ahead.

Well, last week’s promise of “A day in my life” didn’t go to plan since, honestly, I somewhat forgot to track after the morning 😄 But enjoy a compilation of a typical morning and getting ready for work with me:

• Get up around 6:30 am

• Pilates workout

• Coffee and either some personal emails or writing

• Get to work 😊

• Work

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On my ears, page or screen

A little bit more random things, but

• I resumed watching Grey’s Anatomy. I stopped a while ago (anyone else getting tired if there are SO MANY SEASONS to watch?). Currently in season 11.

• I am also watching “Our Planet II” on Netflix. This was my go-to whenever the midnight sun was killing my sleep routine this week.

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Things that made me smile, laugh, think, cry or curse this week

(mix and match as you prefer)

• The most dear and special people I can call, not only colleagues but friends up here

• Knowing that I have the most incredible husband back home

• Suddenly hearing white whales (Belugas) on one of the sound recordings

• Recruiting an oven dish for a foot bath (and flooding the hotel apartment)

• Salted rice cakes

• Spending a whole afternoon drinking coffee, having deep conversations and cuddling a doggo on a balcony in the Arctic summer sun

• Matlab & R

• Whale meat consumption in northern Norway

• My mind

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Up next

On Tuesday, I will head back to Germany, taking the sh*t load of data with me to continue working remotely. But things are staying quite exciting and busy: On Saturday, we will go on a spontaneous road trip to Denmark. More on this soon 😊

Hug,